Hi there, friend!
Facebook friends and avid texters don’t know much about me, but they do know that I’m incredibly good at disappearing for long periods of time without any communication. Without a bit of reclusive energy, I’d definitely be a little bit less energized and mentally aware, but I digress. I want to share a bit of a broad “check-in” with you and answer some questions (perhaps even hit on a few “I didn’t really ask but glad to know” topics that will annoy my mom and make my siblings say, “oh, for sure).
So what have you been up to?
In short, ya girl has been trying to read and navigate mental illness (innit) with intentionality and mild-to-moderate grace.
It doesn’t surprise anyone to know this, but I’ve really solidified a lovely little bookshelf full of worthwhile journalism and mass communication reads, LGBTQ literature, and images that make me say, “the world isn’t all doom and gloom.” I’m leaning into a version of myself that is much more honest and aware, enjoying most of the moments that stem from my development.
Now, it isn’t all great. While I enjoy the loner time with two birds and plenty of books, I’m told by reliable experts that staying alone for long periods of time is not necessarily healthy. Likewise, I know that a pretty significant portion of my being hates to see others around me stressed or in pain, but I also love the ~71-degree apartment that houses those books and birds I value so much.
But that brings me to another question…
What are you doing? We wanted to see more content from you!
I completely agree — I used to make somewhere between no time and exactly 10 minutes for consistent self-care in the form of podcasting or a blog post. I definitely slowed that process to a halt but recently realized during a quite nice therapy conversation that nothing can be prioritized above my mental-physical health. So, I’m bring a few things back (yes, that includes the podcast and some social media gaming) while I continue to work on my day-to-day doctoral duties and any other freelancing items. (We got bills to pay, you see!)
So how are you feeling, gurlie?
I mean, I’m a loner energy by nature and not very good at saying much more. I also take quite a bit of time to process literally anything that happens in day-to-day life because I’d prefer conscious, well-considered decision-making from myself and others.
Recently, I’ve been ruminating on this question (I got it a few times in various ways) because that loner energy and the broader state of my affairs are falling under the radar. I’m on social media for fun and the occasional funny video, but the checking-in part of social media is… let’s just call it near-nonexistent. Mix that with a pandemic that made those physical interactions virtual, distant moments and you can see a recipe for miscommunication and outright disappearance. (I’m told by experts that this isn’t a solitary experience either.)
I think, in part because there’s so much to do and so little interpersonal conversation that I attempt on a day-to-day basis, that some of these broader mental health issues naturally fall away. In the most real, raw parts of myself, I definitely contend with everything from the workaholic moments of self-loathing to the mildly-thirsty romantic relationship-focused Neanderthal energy. (Ask me how many romance novels and thirst trap TikToks the algorithm has thrown at me despite my best efforts to click “I’m not interested.” How does the tech know my clicks are lies?!)
I admit, the previous statement is a bit fun to write for me — after all the previous trauma and a recovery period of a few years, mixed with a long past relationship, the feeling of genuine interest in dating has made me feel much more human and aware. Granted, no part of any person is perfect, but the caring side of me has been hard to reach and relatively locked away for some years…. it definitely took a lot of work to get even close to cracking the shell.
In short, I’m feeling a bit more human.
So, what’s next, human Ivy?
I ask myself this question daily. The answer is a push for consistency, a lot more therapy, and a dialogue featuring characters I have yet to share. I’ll try to blog a bit more to keep track, though I can’t promise full transparency on a blog that is online for anyone to scroll through.
I hope you’ll ask more questions like these, read more books, take more time to smell the flowers, and abuse my contact information when you can. I promise I’m not ignoring you, I’m just really bad at doing the human-tech dance! Yes, this is true in spite of some experience in media and communications.
From the neuro spicy nonbinary nerd you can most definitely call a sibling and friend…
